WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
