Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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