I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
