i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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