I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
