Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
