The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
