I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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