im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
