Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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