just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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