You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
