Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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