I am midnight drunk by noon
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Randomize
