please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.