I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
