During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.