ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.