so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
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I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
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Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires