I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
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i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.