Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
