whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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