His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
