bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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