Can Purell be used as lube?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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