It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
