I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
