It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He shit in the fireplace
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
