I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
