Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
