I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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