I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
