I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
