What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize