Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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