another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
