I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
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I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
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Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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