i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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