This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
