So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
