The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
