rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think i got beer on your cat.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
