tell your sister to shave her snatch
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my poor anus
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
