Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
