I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize