And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
