It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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