P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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