So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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