I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
