OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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