new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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