My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
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How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
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I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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