Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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