Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
