we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
