We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
