my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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