I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
