I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
