guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
