I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
