I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
