you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
