Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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