Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
