Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
