put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door