you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
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He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest