have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session