We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
