It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
