remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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