My entire life is one complicated drinking game
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
