I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
