I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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