There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
