last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
