omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
