Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
